SWEET CHARITY

IF THEY COULD SEE ME NOW THOSE GROWN UP KIDS OF MINE,
SHOWING ALL MY UNDIES IN THIS CHORUS LINE
I'M HERE WITH ALL THESE KIDS WHO DON'T GIVE A TOSS
THAT I AM THREE TIMES THERE AGE AND I'M PAST MENOPAUSE
ALL I CAN SAY IS TOUGH ,IT'S NOW MY TURN TO LIVE
LEARNING ABOUT SHAKESPEARE AND THAT HAMLET SPIV,
I'M BUSY ,COS, MY TUTORS GOT A GREAT TUSH,
AND IT'S NOWT TO DO WITH HORMONES WHEN I GET A HOT FLUSH.
I'VE GOT AS NEW LEASE ON LIFE I'M LEARNING HOW TO SWEAR,
WHEN I'M HERE WITH THEM MY WRINKLES DISAPPEAR,
I'VE JOINED THE UNION, I DRINK MY LAGER IN PINTS,
WHILST I SIT WITH MY FEET UP AND I'M LEARNING MY LINES
MAYBE I'LL LAND A PART ON CORONATION STREET,
ROMANCE FRED THE BUTCHER LIKE A BITCH ON HEAT,
I'LL GO TO OSCAR NIGHTS WITH ALL THE LOVIES OLD DEARS
AND SWING BOLLOCK NAKED FROM THE GOLD CHANDELIERS
I'LL BE SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE OR EVEN STAIRFOOT,
I'LL DINE WITH ROGER MOORE AND GIVE JOAN COLLINS THE PUSH,
I'LL PLAY IN PANTOMIME AS THE BACK OF A HORSE,
OR SWEEP UP AND MAKE COFFEE, BUT I'M STAYING THE COURSE
THERE'S NO HOLDING ME BACK, I'M HERE FOR TWO MORE YEARS,
SO STUFF YOUR PROTESTATIONS I'VE DEVELOPED CLOTH EARS
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THAT'S TOUGH YOU SEE,
BECAUSE I'M STAYING TILL I GET MY G.C.S.E……