T.S.S. THE TOPAZ
It's wonderful to be back aboard my favourite cruising ship,
I've missed you all ,now that you can believe,
All the waiters and the waitresses, the dancers and the band,
Is it right that you were stripping Bruce on the beach at Tel Aviv.
I hear our Roz has got a boyfriend, is it anyone I know
Have you warned him girls she can be very fickle,
She's a knockout with her spotlights and her anti wrinkle lenses
But she's anybodies for a jar of branston pickle.
Now our Mark is the answer to many a maidens prayer,
But he's on his bike the day they mention marriage,
Well! The lad is talented he can sing as well as dance,
Don't miss him in la cabaret between the pea soup and the cabbage.
Now Madonna, she's the one who sings like Marlene Dietrich,
She knows what you drink before you're off the gangway
She's a smile so bright they can see it from the bridge,
And like that man Clint Eastwood, she will always make your day.
As comedians go this next man is par exellance,
You can't phase him because this lads got bottle,
Just don't let him near the podium where I've arranged my papers,
Or, this time you're a dead man Tommy Cockle.
Roll on Rollup,for the captains cocktail party,
This man's the nicest greek I know,
No one should be born with such charisma it's unfair,
Whe he's in the mood to dance the greek he's like a live volcanoe.
What a man, but he's the master of this ship, Loves every rivet,
Yes! He is the master, when his wife is not around,
It's then he has to watch his 'p's and q'qs,
And if you're very very liucky he'll invite you to the bridge,
By Sheila ( Broadhead) Betts…