LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT WHEN I WENT UP IN THE WORLD,
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE SAYING ,
SHE'S A FACE LIKE MY BACKSIDE.
WELL, FOR ME IT'S REALLY PERSONAL,
THOUGH I SAY IT WITH GREAT PRIDE.
YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS A NIPPER,
SHOWING OFF THAT I COULD SKIP.
I FELL ON'T WOODEN RAILINGS,
AND A PIECE WENT THROUGH MY LIP.
MAM TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL,
ASKING DOC, WILL SHE BE SCARRED FOR LIFE,
THE DOC KNOWING I WAS PETRIFIED, SAID,
NOT IF I USE MY MAGIC KNIFE.
THAT SURGEON HE WERE WONDERFUL,
HE DID A MARVELOUS JOB,
PERFORMING PLASTIC SURGERY,
ON MY LITTLE INJURED GOB.
HE SAID TO ME,' WITH LUCK MY DEAR,
OF A SCAR THERE'LL BE NO TRACE,
THE SKIN I TOOK FROM YOUR LEFT CHEEK,
AND HE DIDN'T MEAN MY FACE.
THEN HE EXPLAINED AS HOW HE HAD TO USE,
THE TENDEREST OF SKIN,
THE ONLY PLACE WAS MY BACKSIDE,
MAM THOUGHT IT A MORTAL SIN.
WHEN I CAME OUT OF HOSPITAL,
THE KIDS IN'T STREET WERE CRUEL,
AND I TOOK SOME STICK FROM ALL MY MATES,
WHEN I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL.
AT SWEET SIXTEEN, WHEN MY OTHER MATES,
HAD GREASY TEENAGE SPOTS,
THEY'D SHOUT,' YOURS ISN'T ACNE,
IT'S NAPPY RASH YOU'VE GOT.
I MEAN, HOW COULD I EXPLAIN TO LADS,
WHEN THEY'RE KISSING ME IN PASSION,
IT WERE N'T MY LIPS THEY'RE KISSING,
JUST MY BUM THAT'S BEEN REFASHIONED.
BUT THAT DOC WERE RIGHT, THE BLEMISH WENT,
THERE'S NO UGLY SCAR TO HIDE.
BUT I HAVE TO SMILE WHEN I HEAR FOLKS SAY,
SHE'S A FACE LIKE MY BACKSIDE……
