I've cum to the conclusion that you're useless,
So I'm handing in mi notice frum today,
Ya'll get nobbdy else for't job,
ya might as well plait fog,
Cinsidering there's no holidays or pay.
So am dooin' what general Custer did,
Am meckin' a last stand,for all the things ave missed art on in mi life,
So forget that am ya muther,a nursemaid, un a char,
Un sod all to being an ever luvvin' wife.
Are cun see ya nar discussing mi utt table after tea,
It's her time a life,perhaps she's got the blues,
She'll be right as rain tomorrow,ignoe her, it'll pass,
Well! dearest slobs have I got news for you.
Ya weshins' where ya left it piled up on't bedroom floor,
with a lump a last weeks pizza growin' fluuf,
The bathroom sinks still filthy,from the shave you had last night,
un the flannels blocked the loo,well! ain't that tough.
Aye! you heard mi right the first time,
No ave not gone round the bend,
That were't flannel, but ya've browt it on yassens,
Ave spent half mi liofe utt back a ya,cleanin' muck up,un for what,
So's yaw lot cun just muck it up again.
The's moor ta life than unblockin' made up drains,
Are bet Joan Collins nivver cleans her own frunt winders,
Ya like them ugly sister in that christmas pantomime,
Un me,Well!Poor owd me,am bl....y cinders.
Are reckon after thirty year a traipsin' after yaw lot,
It's time I got invited to the ball,

So, buttons,if thar listenin', bring on thi' magic coach,
Un put thi' ferrets art on stand by call.
Are wish i'd gorra parnd for ivvery nappy that ave weshed,
un wun for ivvery feight ave refereed.
Ave lost count of all them sleepless nights,
While buttons laid theer snoorin' fast asleep,
Ave bin agony aunt un councillor,shop steward un referee,
Un it's my turn nar to stand up un bi' counted.
Oh! Dunt bother lookin'for thi'sexy boxer shorts
The're up on't wall, ave edd um stuffed un mounted
Ave a plant on my back winder sill, that's in better shape na me.
Mind you are treat it well, un watteritt twice a week,
Am ragged rarnd the edges,ave got nerves like oven squibs,
Un to top it al the dogs brock darn on heat.
Utt sixteen mi' darlin' daughter were inttut fashion craze,
She put meck up on her face like lilo lil,
Are stood it all till wun day when are were at mi' lowest ebb,
Un she calmly tells mi' she's gone on the pill.
The pill, sez are,Well who's the lad,un where the hells he live,
sez she, therraint wun yet,ave gorrit just in case,
Sez are,well, just in case that feels thar'd like to use it,pack thi' bags,
That wiped the sloppy grin, straight offa face,
Tears welled up in mi' eyes,are cuddent tek no more,
What had happened to the little angel that I had,
Nar, a sultry jezebel,wi' a thirty two inch bust,
Who couldn't wait to give her body to sum lad.
There ought to be somewhere ya cud visit wunce a week,
ya know, To plug ya in, rejuvinate ya power,
Cos are feel just like un alien, who's escape from planet mars,
Are feel like last weeks milk that's just gone sour,
Am sure kids tek a G.C.E. in learning to tell lies,
Cos mines cum up wi' sum beauties in the'r time,
It's a wonder that they've nivver been approached by't K.G.B.
They'd ave been a bloody bonn to't F.B.I.
Ya like a plague a locusts,devourin' ivvery thing in ya path,
Though Lord knows ave allus tried to do mi' best.
So ave booked missen in health farm forra fot nit on m' todd
Al bi' brain dead if are dunt get sum rest,
Perhaps al stop an extra week,
Un get mi boobs uplifted,
Or get the fat sucked off mi' bulgin' tim,
Are'll lerrum rub mi' darn wi' olive oil,perhaps a nice young hunk,
Wil smack mi' wi' bent twigs across mi' bum
So! There you have it al bi' gone when you get home,
Un I hope that I enjoy it, heavens above,
Cos are know in a fotnit ass bi' back to't ironing booard,
Aye! the's summat to bi' said for't power a love..........

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