LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT WHEN I WENT UP IN THE WORLD,
I GOT A JOB IN A SHOE SHOP IN'T CITY.
GOING OFF TO WORK, IN A SMART SKIRT AND BLOUSE,
BUT THEY WERE ALL TOFFEE NOSED,
MOER'S THE PITY.
THIS OLD JEW THAT OWNED SHOP,
HAD GOT HIS SELF STUCK WITH A LOAD OF SUEDE SHOES, EMERALD GREEN.
THEY WERE LIKE CANAL BARGES, WITH INCH THICK CREPE SOLES,
OWT UGLIER I'VE NEVER SEEN.
A TWO SHILLING BONUS HE OFFERED US ALL,
TO GET RID OF THIS PLAGUE OF GREEN SHOES,
I NEEDED A NEW PAN STICK FROM'T CHIMIST NEXT DOOR,
I THOUGHT I'VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.
IN CAME THIS LASS, WELL, SHE WERE MORE LIKE HOUSE SIDE,
I WALKED OVER AND SAID, SMILINGLY, 'CAN I HELP'.
MY FINGERS WERE ITCHING TO FETCH THEM SUEDE SHOES,
THAT WERE STACKED UP IN'T STOCKROOM ON'T SHELF.
I PULLED UP A CHAIR AND SAT HER DOWN SHARPISH.
BEFORE SHE COULD CHANGE HER POOR MIND.
I ASKED HER SIZE, THEN DASHED OFF INTO'T BACK,
PRAYING, LET THAT LASS BE COLOUR BLIND.
SHE FASTENED THE LACES, THEN STOOD UP THEN LOOKED DOWN,
MY MIND ON'T NEW PAN STICK WERE DWELLING,
'DO THEY SUIT ME ' SEZ SHE, WITH THIS ANGELIC LOOK,
IF I NODDED SUEDE SHOES I'D BE SELLING.
BUT I LOOKED AT HER FEET, THEY WERE SIZE SEVEN AND A HALF,
AND I GULPED AT HER THIRTEEN STONE FRAME,
THAT LAS HAD TO SHOULDER A BIG ENOUGH CROSS,
TO SAY YES, JUST WEREN'T PLAYING THE GAME.
SO AS KIND AS I COULD, I SAID ' NO LOVE THEY DON'T'.
I'M A FEW THINGS BUT A LIARS NOT ONE.
I'M SURE SHE WERE GRATEFUL , C OS, SHE SMILED AND THEN LEFT,
THEN THIS VOICE FROM THE GODS HOLLERED,' WHAT HAVE YOU DONE'.
IT WAS THE STINGY OLD MANAGER BREATHING FIRE DOWN MY NECK,
I SEZ,' SLOW DOWN CHUCK, THAR MIGHT BLOW A FUSE,
AND THAR CAN STICK THAT TWO BOB WHERE IT WILL CAUSE THEE MOST PAIN,
COS, I'M NOT SELLING THEM BLOODY GREEN SHOES.
'GET YOUR COAT ON, YOUR SACKED,' HE SCREAMED IN A RAGE,
AND DON'T BEG FOR A REFERENCE', HE SHRIEKED,
SO I LEFT MY POSH JOB, AND WERE I TICKLED PINK,
HE HAD THEM SHOES IN'T SHOP WINDOW FOR WEEKS…..
